Another reason why lightsabers should never be invented (because, remember, that’s a terrible idea) is that even if we somehow stopped everyone from cutting off dongs, accidentally killing friends, and bongin’ up that sweet saber-kush, lightsabers are just kinda dumb as real weapons, anyway. Never in a million years did I ever think this would be a real response I’d have to anything, but why not just use a f*cking gun? Let’s say we can master our mind, body, and emotions to wield this thing, we would just end up with a whole bunch of “Indiana Jones shooting the bad guy” situations. And we would be the bad guy! No, no you could not deflect the bullet. And even if you could, how long before you’ll screw up and take a bullet in the thigh-meat just to prove you can deflect a bullet, which you couldn’t? Pretty soon! Let’s just say that I’m sure the government’s got a lot more interest in funding other weapons, such as a sound-gun that can make you crap your pants. I don’t actually know if that’s true, but it’s still a much moreuseful weapon than a lightsaber.
And to all the people making lightsabers on YouTube that take 14 tanks of gas and twice as many people standing by for safety regulations just so it can be turned on…stop it. Just…stop. A lightsaber would need the energy of a nuclear powerplant to maintain stability, not whatever your friend Reg could find in his uncle’s junkyard. And hey, we get it, videos like this get you millions of views and likes and subscribes and tweets and follows and whatever else makes you feel good about yourselves, but you are going to create something you can’t control. You’re gonna pull a full Goldblum: “You were too busy thinking about whether or not you could, you didn’t stop to think whether or not you should.” And listen, I love lightsabers. I think they’re easily the greatest fictional piece of machinery to ever be dreamt up. But please…please….let’s do the world and everyone’s dong a favor and keep them fictional.